this is me:
I’ve lived in Nashville 10+ years, long enough to call it home. I’ve been practicing therapy for over 8 years. I never intended to become a therapist, although now that I’m here, it too, feels like home. You see, I grew up in a world that taught me how to hide my heart and make sure everything looked good on the outside. Once I figured out this was the key to surviving, I excelled. I pushed my heart and my feelings to the smallest corner of my being and I worked hard to make sure I looked excellent on the outside.
I achieved athletically at the highest levels. I chose my career path based on where I felt I could make the most money and have the most outward success. Practicality and performance were the goals. I fell asleep to myself and to my desires and had no compass for what brought me joy. I wanted to look good, be accepted and be “happy”. I really didn’t know there was anything else. All this self betrayal cost me, damn did it cost me.
See the thing is, we aren’t designed to betray ourselves. It hurts, so we have to distract ourselves and numb the pain.
I used all sorts of things to numb my heart - food, exercise, work, substances, people pleasing, status, relationships and accumulating material things.
I was successful. I was numb. I had all the things to make me happy.
But I wasn’t. I didn’t like me. I didn’t know me. Very little brought me true joy. I had lots of people around me and still felt alone. I was empty.
Fortunately, I got into good therapy and was presented with some drastic options to produce serious change. I thought some of the recommendations were crazy, yet I had the ability to look into my future and I didn’t like what I saw. I took the recommendations. I went to intensive treatment, joined a weekly therapy group, a 12 step group, got involved in a faith community and did weekly individual therapy.
I took a serious look at my relationship with alcohol. I worked on disordered eating behaviors that had been with me for decades. I started getting honest with myself about what I really valued.
I became willing to do whatever it took to create a different life. And it took a lot.
The life I have now is beautiful and better than my wildest imagination could have dreamed up. I met my husband (on Bumble…yes, it works if you are open to feedback and willing to go on a lot of dates) and we have a connected fulfilling marriage that is overflowing with love and challenge and growth. We have three daughters that help round out my purpose, break me of my selfishness and make me better at being a therapist. I still have to work hard daily to stay true to myself, because it’s easy to deceive ourselves and fall asleep.
From my perspective, it’s never a “I went to therapy, fixed myself, now I’m healed” kind of process.
Having a whole, fulfilling life is a grinding commitment to continual self work; a balance between looking at oneself and learning to be less focused on the self.
I don’t believe happiness is the goal to life anymore. There are other, less fleeting, values to strive toward - such as purpose, fulfillment, love, challenge, integrity, and commitment.
I’m not your traditional therapist. I’m active, give feedback and use lots of anecdotes from my life to teach. It’s important to know your story and get healing around the hurts AND it’s important to move forward, to clarify your values, and to develop skills to create the life YOU want.
If this sounds like something you want, come and join me.
education and credentials:
Master of Arts in Clinical and Mental Health Counseling, Trevecca Nazarene University, Nashville, TN
Master of Science in Kinesiology and Health Promotion (emphasis in Sports Leadership), University of Kentucky, Lexington, KY
Bachelor of Science in Accounting and Marketing, University of Kentucky, Lexington, KY
University of Kentucky Women’s Golf Team – 2008-2013
Trevecca Nazarene University Assistant Women’s Golf Coach – 2014-2017
Licensed Professional Counselor – Mental Health Service Provider
License #4081, State of Tennessee